If programmers built houses
PHP programmers (maybe PHP 8 ) was entrusted with building a house))) without payment via PayPal .
1.03. Hooray! We were offered a large contract for the construction of a 12-storey residential building. Everyone is enthusiastic. We drank 2 cases of beer to celebrate.
2.03. The customer does not like the expression "as soon as possible". Requires a specific deadline. Dark, knows nothing about high technology.
3.03. We discussed terms. We drank 3 cases of beer. Petrovich says that all the work here is 4 months. This means, in fact, 8. As a result, 12 was recorded in the contract, although it is unlikely that we will manage it earlier than 16.
6.03. Petrovich went to hand over the bottles.
8.03. Celebrating 8 March. We have no women in our company, so no one spoils the holiday.
2.04. Petrovich says it's time to start working. Did they agree, or what? They surrounded the site with a fence and hung up beautiful posters "Construction is being carried out by the Stroyka company". We play Quake with a sense of accomplishment.
20.04. The customer came and asked how things were going. They put him behind Quake and let us all beat.
21.04. We discussed the project. Sidorov offers large-block architecture. Petrovich insists that everything should be built in the old fashioned way, out of brick, not in a lamer style. Alex proposed the most radical project: build several dozen wooden cottages and then connect them with underground tunnels. It's so fashionable in the West now. They reminded him that the customer is demanding a 12-storey building. We tried to resolve the issue with a duel in Quake. Alex and his cottages were overwhelmed immediately, but there was a draw between Petrovich and Sidorov. As a result, everyone will build according to their own plan, and then we will try to combine it all so that it does not collapse.
30.04. The first floor is ready! We showed it to the customer. He wondered why different rooms had different heights of ceilings, why bricks were falling out of the walls and why there was no entrance in the house, but you had to get in through the window. They explained to him that these are special limitations of the demo version. We leave for the holidays, proud of ourselves.
10.05. Petrovich was the first to sober up and swore for a long time. We thought Alex drank all the beer. It turned out to be worse: we forgot about the foundation. It is, of course, described in the project, but only lamers read the documentation.
11.05. They broke the first floor. It's a shame, damn it.
11.07. We are working. Petrovich is completing the second floor, Sidorov is completing the fifth. Alex finished the elevator shaft up to the ninth floor, it sways suspiciously in a strong wind. Wooden props were temporarily installed.
17.07. Alex builds an attic and a roof. On the ground. Then we will lift it with a crane.
13.08. Sidorov's panels do not fit. The gap is more than a meter. Sidorov called Petrovich, but he said that he had his own things to do and in general, without knowledge of the internal architecture of the panels, nothing could be done.
14.08. Several panels were broken so that Petrovich could study the internal architecture. Petrovich swears, shouts that the panel designers are full of lamers.
17.08. Petrovich closed the hole. True, the panels were skewed at the same time, but these are trifles. The wiring from both panels had to be brought out and tied in a knot. Petrovich wrapped the knot with duct tape and assures that he will work, unless it rains.
1.09. The Stroykombinat has released a new version of panels with improved strength and insulation, with built-in wardrobes. True, neither in shape nor in size they are compatible with the previous ones and are three times heavier. What kind of architecture are they counting on at all, these industrialists?
16.09. Alex came running, overwhelmed by the idea. Proposes to make all windows in the house resizable. Says the customer will be dragged along. They told him not to show off.
2.10. Petrovich reached the fifth floor. Proud of myself. Drawn his attention to the fact that his wall is inclined at an angle of 40 degrees. He swore, shouted that we are lamers and do not understand anything. Then he promised to think about it.
3.10. The customer came. I asked why the wall was tilted at an angle of 40 degrees. They explained to him about the power of Coriolis. He listened to everything, then said that, of course, he didn’t know anything about the construction business, but he had exactly the same house next door, and there was a straight wall. Pancake. Then that idiot Alex blurted out about his resizable windows in front of him. The customer, of course, caught fire and insists that they did just that. Twice a pancake.
4.10. They asked Alex if everything would have to be dismantled for the sake of his windows. He assures that no - as if standard panels also have such an undocumented function.
5.10. Petrovich admitted that there was indeed a problem with the wall. He says that he put some kind of brick wrong. But to understand which one, you have to go through all of them. It's easier to demolish and rebuild everything.
6.10. They persuaded Petrovich that he would not have time to build everything anew from bricks. Demonstrated to him calculations on a calculator. Petrovich swore, shouted that the lamers had invented the calculator. Then he nevertheless agreed to build from panels and left with grief into a binge.
8.10. They broke the brick part. Along the way, the panel was damaged. The whole building creaks and staggers threateningly. They reinforced them with wooden supports and went to play Quake.
17.10. Petrovich got out of the binge. We are working.
7.11. Celebrating November 7 - or what is it called now? We have no communists in our company, so no one spoils the holiday.
15.11. We remembered that our crane only reaches the 8th floor. Sidorov was sent to get a new crane. We play in Quake. Alex killed Petrovich. The shift is growing!
24.11. Sidorov returned. I didn't get a crane, but I got a cool excavator. He proposes to dig a deep shaft and build a house not in height, but in depth. He says that nowhere in the contract does it say that 12 floors should be above the surface. Barely dissuaded.
25.11. They had a brainstorming session on the crane problem. The solution was found on the last bottle of beer. Abandoned the main construction. We are building a 4-storey house nearby. Then we will pull our crane onto his roof.
25.12. Celebrating Catholic Christmas. We have no Catholics in our company, so nobody spoils the holiday.
14.01. I don’t remember anything. My head hurts. Guys, what year is it?
2.02. Well, it seems that we are finally completing the 12th floor. Tomorrow we'll be fixing the attic and the roof that Alex built on top.
3.02. Alex is a lamer. The roof moves down regularly. While propped up with a crane. We think what to do next.
4.02. Alex proves that he is not at fault. It's just that Sidorov's 12 floors are 4 meters higher and 5 meters wider than Petrovich's 12 floors. It turned out that they were building from different panels. But Alex is still a lamer, since his roof does not fit any of the options. His elevator shaft, by the way, too.
5.02. The roof was patched, strengthened and extended. Petrovich says he will hold out if it doesn't snow.
7.02. It started snowing.
10.02. They built a roof of plywood, painted it like tin. Hopefully the customer won't notice.
11.02. The elevator was tested. His stops are between floors, but you can get out of the cab. Crawling on even floors, pulling up on odd floors. Remember to describe it in the documentation.
12.02. In general, the elevator drives extremely slowly. Petrovich scolds everyone with lamers and is going to do optimization.
13.02. Petrovich optimized the elevator. He accelerated, broke through the roof and flew away in an unknown direction. It's good that the roof is plywood, and it will be easy to repair. After that, the elevator shaft collapsed. They remembered that they had not replaced the wooden supports with something more durable. Nothing. Walking is useful.
15.02. Finishing work is in progress. For some reason, painters and plasterers disappear somewhere. We agreed to send more.
17.02. It turned out that due to Sidorov's mistake, the doors on floors two to six open only to the entrance. As a result, many painters and plasterers have accumulated on these floors, who cannot come back. Sidorov promised to fix everything. While we feed the painters and plasterers through the vents.
20.02. Alex has finally finished his changing windows. Tested. It turned out that the glass breaks when the window is resized. In addition, there are a number of side effects. For example, a toilet bowl and a bathtub from another can move into the living room of one apartment. Also, sometimes doors disappear and balconies crumble. Complaining about the construction plant is useless - they will say that there is nothing to use undocumented functions.
02.21. The customer came. I asked if it was possible to make small changes to the project. In particular, instead of a 12-storey building, to build a village of wooden cottages connected by tunnels. He read what is so fashionable in the West now. Neutralized Alex before he could open his mouth, and politely but firmly explained to the customer that he was wrong.
22.02. The balconies continue to crumble, although we have not touched the resizable windows anymore. Apparently, this is some kind of independent glitch. Which one, it's too late to look, so they just tore off the remaining balconies from sin. Let's try to explain to the customer that this was done for optimization purposes.
23.02. Celebrated on February 23rd. We have no military in the company, so no one spoiled the holiday. There are no women either, so no one gave us any gifts. It's a shame.
02.25. Alex tried to complete his windows. As a result, half of them shrank to zero size and do not unfold back. They told him not to show off anymore, otherwise it would be even worse.
27.02. We remembered that we had forgotten to make the entrance. We wondered if the house would collapse if we cut through it now. Sidorov said that it is better not to risk it. Petrovich called him a lamer and agreed. Do not forget to describe in the documentation the entrance through the window as a design feature.
1.03. H-how's the first of March ?! Where from ?! Yesterday still ... Damn. Who knew that there are 28 days in this February lamer! It turns out that the object will be delivered not in a week, but the day after tomorrow ?!
2.03. Avral. We work 24 hours a day without waking up.
3.03. We convinced the customer that we need another day for final testing. Hmmm, well, we worked out yesterday ... But in general, not everything is so scary. Well, what if some of the doors are in the floor or in the ceiling, or lead straight from the tenth floor to the street, in principle it is impossible to get into some apartments, the bathroom is combined with the kitchen in some places, there is no water in half of the house, in the other the first half - electricity, the sewer is cut off on the sixth floor, and the stairs between the eighth and ninth had to be made with a rope? The main thing is to take the customer on the right route. And yet - to have time to hang up before tomorrow in place of the disappeared windows pictures depicting landscapes beyond the windows ...
4.03. Yes! Yes! We did it! We mark the completion of the object. I don't drink much, I still have to quit before this damn thing goes to hell ...